I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
