big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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