There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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