HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do herpes really smell.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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