): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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