Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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