I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
