Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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