I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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