i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
