im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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