so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
