Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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