Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
