Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
