sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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