i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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