Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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