I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
