I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
