Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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