sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
