I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
