I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
