covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
