My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
