Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
