Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
