She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dude. I can hear the air.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
