who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
