so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
