i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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