i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
