this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
