Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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