I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
