I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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