Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
