The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
