I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
