this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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