A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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