He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
