hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
