I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
