I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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