I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
