dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize