Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize