I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
