I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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