You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
