He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize