I need help removing her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
