your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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