I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
