Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
