dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
as a side note pls kill me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
