You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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