fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
