she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize