So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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