My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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