I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
