At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You are a genius and a whore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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